COWzar's Domain
STORYS by
The Dillon&Ryan Mafia
boy i like chile (2/10/98)
This is a story about lad and the counting crows guy riding on a bus with John Madden and they ate some pork but lad couldn't cause he was Jewish, and they went d riving over bugs ,but they had to drive over bums too so they ran over that old lady peter Rippon when they were outside of Fairbanks Alaska then out of nowhere peter grew two heads, and ate the butt cheeks off of John madden and the back of the bus was g one, while still nibbling and ferociously biting on John Maddens grganchuant like butt cheeks lad and the counting crows guy had time to run away, then lad jumped on the counting crows guys shoelaces and ate them cause that\rquote s what Jewish people like you do, and then the Mormon, Jewish, romancatholic, and dillon&ryans Mafia gunned um down in only 9 years of a tenth of 2 milliseconds, and then they got off probation and they rejoiced and watched lots of MTV, then suddenly the Jewish community of Mafia raiders forced TCI to switch it to VH1 and they had to suffer through pop up videos and casy casums top 40 count down so they all went home and went an riots like pink Floyd video's , then Chris rock took peters wig and put some of Mrs. burnett's wig on the door of Chris Farly's now resurrected body MEANWHILE..........he used peters wig to grease the Jewish community of catholic raiders to death, and MTV was now resurrected by Jim C arry's roommate's brother's daughter's pet "a milk dip calico" ,then a parade was held in china town by murderers and single mothers, MEANWHILE..... lad and the counting crows guy were still dead, MEANWHILE.......... at the parade O.J. Simpson danced for nickels and was mugged by peter fonda's dog, MEANWHILE............. peter was taking a crap and didn't wash his palm hair, then neither god or Satan permitted lad and the counting crows guy into their sacred lands so they were beaten back to earth with mookey sticks and renamed flower and weed, so they took Busta Rhymes in their Volkswagen bug and gave him there money, MEANWHILE.............. the spice girls, Hilary Clinton, and Newt Ginrich lead a feminist rally on the same podium wu-tang stood on in their video "TRIUMPH", but Gene Simmons took care of that with his tunge, MEANWHILE......... peter is still biting th ose garganchuant chunks out of John Madden's butt, MEANWHILE........... flower and weed made up the word gertahtaeonoijmniihujhuideiiwanndceiadfasd while talking drunk on their old brown Italian leather sofa which is covered in beef and cheddar potato chips they made in a chemical bath that they were eating at their super bowl party where they saw the 49er's beat the new England patriots 4,000,000.892 to negative six, later they woke up off their benyas and so that viper car a larm commercial and were seriously moved by them because they were drunk and they watched the news and learned that hungry children in Irobe were fed horse biscuits and weasel tails and that the weather man was supremely gay with Jim Hensen before he die d, MEANWHILE.......... the dillon&ryan Mafia set off to kill Hansen, first they ripped off the little one\rquote s left pinky toe and shoved it down his throat and forced him to eat it then they tied him up, then they moved to the middle one and ripped off it's ear, every strain of hair "separately", then the other ear, right eyeball, left eyeball, then they stuffed it's eyes up it's nose, and it's ears in it's eye sockets and ripped off it's nose and ripped off it's, right arm and left arm and beat it with them, MEANWHILE.............. the little one finally choked on his left pinkey toe after they sent him to Irobe, MEANWHILE............... flower and weed noticed that everyone in sugar ray had the same haircut "they were still drunk, but they had sat back down on thei r benyas and cried about it", MEANWHILE......... back to the Hansen situation they went fly fishing up it's nose hooked his brain and fed it to the kid in the Clearasil commercial that lived in Irobe after making it into a thick pudding, then we flushed the middle Hansen down the toilet, MEANWHILE.......... the tall Hansen still lived so they shot him and played video football with him and yelled at him for falling off the couch but he still beat them, MEANWHILE at flower and weed's house the Russian Jehovah witness's benyaed them to death, MEANWHILE........ the dillon&ryan Mafia celebrated the killing of Hansen with Fiona Apple at the seven eleven with mocha slurpies and chocolate nachos, MEANWHILE........... peter just finished eating John Madden's butt and said he'd had enough after all he'd been nibbling on it for 18 years, then peter took a plane to Irobe, MEANWHILE........ peter sent a group of bearded fat ladies disguised as girl scouts selling cottage cheese and wood cookies to take over TCI and cancel MTV, MEANWHILE........ Ryan and Dillon were calling up people to join their Mafia they were able to get Dennis Roman, Jimmy Popelli of the bloodhound gang, Drew Carry, The Edge from U2, Ted Kazynski, Beck, flower and weed, and Martha Stewart, then we went to Irobe to duke it out with peter, but are plane had a layover in South Park Colorado and we all whipped out our Chic-o-sticks to beat them with and peter the two headed old haggard lady had his Jewish community of gay mental patients to support him so we committed them which left peter with nothing, MEANWHILE........... The Edge from U2 threw his Chico stick at peter and missed and hit a kid in an orange hood and someone said you killed Kenny so The Edge who threw the Chic-o-Stick had an appendectomy and was killed by his surgeon, MEANWHILE......... we sent Ted Kazynski to the genetical engineering ranch up on the hill and made Hitler and Ted mailed a bomb to bill Clinton and B ill died in the explosion from the bomb, MEANWHILE.........every body ate their chic-o-sticks cause the fighting made them hungry, but luckily the old lady peter had an alien baby that decapetated her and started eating each individual body part, MEANWHILE............ Martha Stewart said, "this South Park mall has great exterior decorating" so Hitler shot her, the moral of the story is grease is a cool movie
the end
DILLON&RYAN MAFIA FOREVER
Cookie Bandits In Soda Fairy Land (3/7/98)
This
is a story about Frank Black and Barry White's mother beating a
gay clown over the head with Big Hunk candy bars,
Meanwhile……………… The Dillon&Ryan
Mafia set off to kill Hanson with Dillon's field rifle at the
Grammy Awards, Meanwhile…………… They got
that guy, SOY BOMB from the Bob Dillon concert to join,
Meanwhile…………… The World found out that
Flower and Weed never existed and it was all because of the Evil
Kenevil stunt where he tried to jump the snake river, but
couldn't because he was to limp and wrinkly from the fire dogs at
the Macdonald's taco fest on Broadway next to Cuban American
Safeway where the Jewish community of Islamic tactic gooey freaks
of garbage mopping thugs of the poop on a stick Mafia were
protesting the sale of abnormal zucchini banana cross breeds (3
for 99 cents), Meanwhile…………… The
Dillon&Ryan Mafia killed them with Dillon's field rifle,
Meanwhile………… Fiona Apple went out with Dick
Trickle on a race to the Mini Mart of the raiding of Peter
Fonda's house pets, Meanwhile………… Flower and
Weed invented electricity Meanwhile………….
Clearasil kid was in Irobe with the starving children who had ate
the Clearasil kid, Meanwhile………… The two
headed old lady named Peter Rippon was found in a garbage bag
acting supremely gay with Jim Hensen and the weather man,
Meanwhile………… O.J. Simpson was dancing for
nickels at the feminist rally and was mugged by Newt Gingrich's
sperm whale named Angelo, Meanwhile………… Peter
Jennings traded hair pieces with Ted Coppell,
Meanwhile………… Flower and Weed saw one of
those electronic pimple zapper commercials starring Peter Rippon
and they rose to the top of there stack of greased out potato
chips from there old Super Bowl party that never existed,
Meanwhile………… Flower and Weed passed out
drunk and fell off their stack of potato chips and landed orally
on their benyas, Meanwhile………… the
Dillon&Ryan Mafia set off to kill Kelsey Grammer's dog (Tiger
Woods) at the parking meter association for dead balding men in
there mid benya stage, Meanwhile………… Back to
the Hanson situation, SOY BOMB mud wrestled the little one and
his mouthful of poop fell in Kelsey Grammer's pants while Vanessa
Williams killed her self on a rising platform with a Mercedes
Benz hood ornament, Meanwhile………… Flower and
Weed rocked out to Nine Inch Nails and Garth Brooks, but however
you spell it Rhymes, oh wait it's Le Ann's lyrics were to
offensive to their virgin ears so they got so greased with the
Damien wig, which proved that they still didn't exist,
Meanwhile………… SOY BOMB was having fun on top
of the middle Hanson brother and he messed up the reception of
MTV so he could watch Animal Planet and This Old House, so Bob
Gearhart ate horse crap till' he puked on his secretary's shoe
because that's what Jewish people like you do,
Meanwhile………… Eddie Murray went driving over
Peter Fonda's house pet convention in his monster truck/car Trans
Am, but the dog survived and beat O.J. Simpson with a leather
baseball bat and put his nickels in a doosh bag and ran,
Meanwhile………… Ms. Hug skinny dipped in the
puke filled shoe, Meanwhile………… the
Dillon&Ryan Mafia killed Jeff Gordon with Dillon's filed
rifle, Meanwhile……… SOY BOMB changed his name to
some stupid symbol, but most people call him the gay dancing
freak formally know as SOY BOMB, but then changed his name back
because Siskle and Ebert rated it negative four thumbs
everywhere, Meanwhile………… a meat market
collapsed on 4 chins in China Town with a bag of dog food (a big
one), Meanwhile………… Peter ate diaphragm
filled with jelly and marshmallow crème,
Meanwhile………… Puff Daddy and Mase sang that
song where it says I'm the macaroni with the cheese and then they
beat BIGGIE to death (he faked his death) for fun with a pile of
horse biscuits and weasel tails that weren't eaten by the
starving kids in Irobe, Meanwhile………… SOY
BOMB had to give Travis a Jookie hernia belt and a cottage cheese
and whiffle cookie to beat ODB of the Wu Tang clan with,
Meanwhile………… the Dillon&Ryan Mafia went
to the weather mans typhoid site in Greg Fullers Bathroom to go
name the new world order for Jim's snake bite on that real
construction video, Meanwhile………… Santa went
to Jim Hensen's house to visit Jim Hensen, the Weather man,
Flower and Weed because they all had AIDS along with typhoid, Lu
Garris disease, Mono, Mike Tyson speech disease and ear symptoms,
Leprosy, and Mumps, Meanwhile………… under wear,
Meanwhile the Dillon&Ryan Mafia gunned down the entire Dallas
Cowboys organization with Dillon's field rifle,
Meanwhile………… Will Smith got Jiggy with it
Meanwhile………… SOY BOMB had not finished
killing Hanson and the Dillon&Ryan Maria was getting bored,
because the Grammy's suck more than the movie Cop Land, so they
whipped out Dillon's filed rifle and killed SOY BOMB and then
Hanson, the moral to the story is: thou shall be cleanliness to
thy dog.
The End
Dillon&Ryan Mafia Forever
the children of crud (4/7/98)
This is a story about Jim’s football obsession and the random killing of sweepstake winner’s of Nike Town, Meanwhile………… Mrs. Hug said, Jessie open your mouth and Jessie said, Mrs. Hug I want to go watch the fifth element with the a drunk wife girl beater man gay named Charles Barkly , Meanwhile………… The Dillon&Ryan Mafia set out to kill Hansen at the gay bar for women and children only, Meanwhile………… Flower and weed did not exist at all, so remember that if you think that they did then you will die by the hands of SOY BOMB who is also dead, Meanwhile.………… Jim Hensen went to a Nascar Busch Grand National race with Peter Fonda’s dog and Ted Bundie who smuggled the weather man in his jacket, some supremely gay stuff happed, Meanwhile………… The Dillon&Ryan Mafia got in a bar fight with Hanson and a little poop named Jody Upchuck (the gay test tube baby, made with sperm samples from Jordy Guffun and Ben Powell), anyway Dillon broke a bottle of Jim’s Corporation discount beer and shoved it down the little Hanson’s throat, Then Ryan took the middle one into the bathroom with him and put his head on the toilet bowl and repetitively bashed it with the toilet seat, Meanwhile………… Jordy Upchuck whooped the crap out of Dillon then ran away, Ryan finely escaped the gay children hitting on him in the bathroom to kill the big Hanson, he did this by strangling him and forcing him to eat a pretzel that flower and weed had been siting on for the last 47 days (they don’t exist), Meanwhile Jordy Upchuck got beat up by Peter Fonda’s dog at Bill Clinton’s hair club for men radio address, then Peter Fonda’s dog beat O. J. Simpson, who was dancing for nickels, with a plastic golf club the host of A&E biography was holding, Meanwhile………… To pay for Dillon’s hospital bills and Ryan had to sell the Dillon and Ryan Mafia cave and had to dance for nickels with O. J. Simpson and was frequently mugged by Peter Fonda’s dog which was all right because the Salmon tasted beefy with the fry scoops, Meanwhile ………… Jordy Upchuck yelled at some parking cones saying how much he was going to hurt them and this deeply offended Mr. Rogers so Rogers shoved a parking cone up his hiney, Meanwhile ………… The Photo sys-op from Jim’s corporation of whackys saw the “Magnificent Dancing Ryan”, dance to Amii Stewart’s song “Knock on wood” and liked it so much that he bought The Dillon&Ryan Mafia their cave back and became there butler Meanwhile………… Jordy Upchuck went to Irobe and the Clearasil Kid beat him with a bag of licked Kraft dinner, and then he took Jordy Upchuck’s bladder and fed it to the starving Irobians which then puked it up and gave it to that guy who lives next to Kalee’s cousin Marko, Meanwhile ………… The Photo sys-op from Jim’s corporation of whackys was watching “The Simpsons” and eating roasted beer coasters that he stole from flower and weed’s super bowl party that never even existed, MEANWHILE......... peter is still biting those gargantuan chunks out of John Madden's butt, WAIT, wrong story, sorry, Meanwhile………… The Dillon&Ryan Mafia were going on a cheese eating spree at Domonick’s to celebrate the joining of the photo sys-op from Jim’s corporation of whackys to dillon&ryan’s Mafia, Meanwhile………… Kalee hugged Jim Eddie Robinson Fredrick garrison Harrison Jr. and everyone got jealous and killed themselves, the moral of the story is: Greencow eats poop,
The End.
THE DILLON AND RYAN MAFIA FOREVER
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